It's never quite how it seems...

There are times when I sit down at the end of the day and shake my head.  It's hard to not feel overwhelmed.  All it takes is a few negative thoughts that I've somehow let slip into my head and suddenly the sky is falling.  My head feels like it's going to explode with pessimism.   Calling all puppies and rainbows?  I need an intervention.

I could post pictures from a birthday party we went to today (and I will) and make it seem like it was as magical as it looked.  But, that would be a lie.

The truth?  My two rambunctious boys took over the party and made their presence known.  And it wasn't exactly in the best of ways.  The result?  I'm exhausted and I'm totally in that destructive frame of my mind where I start to question my parenting skills, or lack-there-of.

Why are my kids the only ones screaming and throwing tantrums?

Why am I working so hard to keep them entertained and happy when other parents can sit and just be?

Are we going to leave when the party ends or when our kids have made it such that it's time to tuck our tails under our legs and bolt?

Why must they constantly be trying to hurt one another?

Will Sean ever show an interest in coloring/drawing/writing?

Is there light at the end of this tunnel?

Hello?  Anyone?

 I'm constantly reminded that my boys didn't come with an owner's manual where it's all mapped out, phase by phase, age by age.  So, we do what we can.  We keep pushing forward, giving it all we have - both body and mind.  Just when I think I have it all figured out, life gets in the way and throws me a dose of reality.  It's a toss up as to who's learning more here - the kids or the adults.

I'm learning to be patient with their development.  They will learn when they are ready to learn.

I'm learning to lead by example.  I find myself getting on their level and talking to them in a calmer voice, when possible.  Communication is such a struggle when nerves are frazzled and patience is shot.

I'm learning to embrace my boys for exactly who they are.  They are not girls.  They do not always sit still, quietly coloring elaborate pictures in a restaurant.  They are loud.  They are busy bodies, full of energy.  They are physical - throwing, hitting, wrestling, tackling, running, jumping.  They are emotional.   The one who makes the loudest fuss, gets the most attention, right?

Perhaps it's the stress of knowing that it's time to move on to a different daycare/preschool for the boys.  Coupled with the fact that we are surrounded by friends raising girls.  I've never been so aware of how different girls can be from boys until some of our more recent play dates.

Add in the barrage of pictures posted daily on social media of my friend's kids riding a bike without training wheels at 2, excelling at soccer, locating all 50 states on the map, drawing detailed pictures, reading sentences at 4, etc.  Don't get me wrong - I'm just as guilty at posting all of those proud mommy moments on Facebook or Instagram!  At the time, it feels amazing to see and hear your child excel at something.  But, from the other side, the pressure is mounting to do more, see more, teach them more.  When is there enough time to do all these things with our kids?

Speaking of time, tomorrow morning my boys will be up, most likely before 7am, ready to play.  Aside from my 20 minute pity party tonight, I will do my best to push all these fears aside and I will greet my boys with a smile tomorrow morning.  It will be a new day and a new chance to learn and grow right along side them.

We will figure out our daycare situation.

Sean will come around to drawing at some point.

Evan will figure out how to say what's bothering him better instead of screaming his head off.

They will continue to play rough, as boys will be boys.

There will be time-outs.  It will be loud.

But, they will continue to be each other's best friend.

And we just get to be the lucky ones watching that bond every day.