A labor of love

Two years ago, I started phase one of transitioning out all things "baby" from our house.  By then, Evan was 6 months old and he had grown out of his swing, his rock n' play, his newborn clothes, his bumbo, etc.  We were so confident we were done having children.  Scott was content with two boys and I was certain I couldn't go through another pregnancy, delivery, or newborn phase.  I remember saying things like, "I'm so done, I need a new word for done" as friends would ask if we would try for a girl.  I was never more sure of anything.

As I prepared for my first Mom2Mom sale and gathered clothes and accessories around the house, I packed up a bag full of receiving blankets.  Evan no longer needed to be swaddled and outgrew the tiny receiving blanket size.  Knowing I'd get next to nothing for them at a sale, I gave the bag to my mom and asked her to make something for me out of them as a keepsake.

Time went by.  Life continued to be busy.  The boys grew and grew.  And I never once wavered from our decision to be done expanding our family.  In fact, the more time passed, the more I appreciated "having my old self back".  I lost 36 lbs over the summer and early fall on Weight Watchers.  I started going to a fitness class.  I made time to go out with friends and made new friends at work and through daycare.  I've been blessed.  I've had a glimpse at what life can be like when your family is complete and you're no longer caring for a baby.

Feeling more like "me".

With a transition in my mom's job, she had some down time and got around to making a stunning quilt out of the receiving blankets.  Many phone conversations and pin shares on Pinterest took place before she decided on making a rag quilt.  This past Sunday she gave me the quilt and in that moment, the finality of our decision to be "baby-free" hit me hard.  My best friend had just given birth that morning to their third child, a beautiful daughter.  Another close friend told me she was expecting.  And I felt the familiar tug of "baby fever".  Are we really sure we're done?  

It was a labor of love, as my mom called it.  Each piece of receiving blanket brought back memories of the boys as babies.  Scott and I pointed out the ones we remembered the most.  It was bittersweet to look at it knowing that particular phase of our lives is long gone, but the keepsake my mom made for me will be something to treasure for the rest of my life.

So, I went to the hospital that evening and visited my friend.  Met her beautiful daughter, Charlotte.  Gave the little one extra snuggles and reluctantly handed her back to her mommy and daddy.  I'll get my baby fix vicariously through my friends as they expand their families.  I'll be grateful for the two amazing boys God gave me.  I'll enjoy our new-found freedom that comes with the boys getting older.  Like getting to roller-skate together as a family.  Going out in public without a diaper bag.  Having two potty-trained kids.  Snuggling in bed with them and talking about God, life, their favorite thing about each day, and what fun things we'll do the next day.  I'll hear about their Spanish class at daycare or their best friend that day (because you know those things change quite often).

I will enjoy my new body and embrace every scar or stretch mark that came from carrying babies for nine months.  I will rock my bikini this summer for the first time in over four years.  I will dedicate more time back into my marriage.  I will enjoy my eight hours of sleep I'll be getting tonight.  And anytime I feel that "baby fever" creep back in, I will grab my quilt and snuggle with my boys.  I have all I need right here.  Looking at this picture, my heart is full.  It's time to stop dwelling on what I don't have and more on what's right in front of me.