No Birthday Cake for Me...

It was a sad, sad day yesterday as we celebrated my mom and my birthdays at my parent's house.  They had bought an absolutely stunning looking cake from The Home Bakery in Rochester with buttercream frosting and marble cake and I had to just sit there and watch everyone else enjoy it, but me.  Instead, I munched on a Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookie I had snagged at Whole Food's that afternoon.  It was no birthday cake.

Earlier this week, Evan was "diagnosed" with a milk protein allergy.  I use quotation marks since it's not an official diagnosis.  Their basis for this are his constant green, watery stools that sometimes have blood in them.  The pediatrician tested his diaper I brought in from the day before and the one he was wearing and they both tested positive for blood, even though you couldn't see any.  She informed me that this typically indicates an allergy to the dairy that I'm consuming.  As if breastfeeding wasn't challenging enough as it is, I now have to eliminate all dairy from my diet in the hopes that this will cure his gas, fussiness, and yucky diapers.  The things we do for our kids...

So, I left the office and came home to read every website I could find on my iPhone while I nursed Evan to educate myself on how to read labels at the grocery store and what foods I couldn't eat.  It was depressing.  I cried.  I looked in my pantry and fridge to see what I actually could eat.  I cried some more.

To name a few of the big no-no's...

• Butter
• Cheese
• Cream cheese
• Pudding
• Milk
• Sour cream
• Chocolate
• Yogurt

Those are the big ones and it's alarming how one or many of those products are in soooo many things that I would eat in a typical day.  I had to go to both Trader Joe's and Whole Food's to stock up on dairy free products and artificial dairy products like Almond Milk and Vegan Cheeses.  $120 later I hope I have some foods that are actually edible like chocolate ice cream made out of coconut milk.  I've learned that I can still eat things like french fries, potato chips, chinese food, and beer.  Hooray!

Thank God for Matt's Chocolate Chip Cookies and Earth's Balance Buttery Spread because today on day three I'm feeling more positive that I can survive this and ::gasp:: I may actually lose weight doing so.  Now...how do I survive the holidays dairy free??

Wordless Wednesday

Two Under Two By Myself

We have been so fortunate to have so much help over the past three weeks, but it was time for me to get my feet wet and try this whole "stay at home mom" thing to two kids under the age of two.  All Sunday from mid-afternoon until I went to bed I felt really anxious about Monday.  I mean, what's the worst that could happen?  They're both crying and unhappy?

Luckily, the bottom didn't fall out and there was never a moment when they were both crying.  I have to say, it was a success!  Sean wasn't crabby and whiny like he had been over the past two weeks.  I actually enjoyed the extra time with him.  Evan seemed to do a lot of snoozing, which definitely made things a little easier, but he wanted to eat every 1.5-2 hours for most of the morning.  I got Sean and Evan to nap at the same time.  I took a shower.  I did a load of the kid's laundry.  I even watched an episode of Glee on DVD since I'm desperately trying to catch up on Season 3 so I can watch the new Season.  And we went outside after Sean's nap so he could run around and let some steam out.  It doesn't get much better than that.

One day in, I drew the following conclusions:

1.  Being a stay at home mom is pretty close to being a part of the circus.  You have to be really good at juggling!  This kid wants to eat, this kid needs a diaper changed, I have to go to the bathroom, the dog wants to come inside and is scratching the screen door.  Oy!

2.  There's nothing wrong with showing Sean some educational alphabet and number videos on Youtube.com while I'm nursing Evan.  Until I look at the clock and realize a half hour has gone by and we've moved on to videos about fire trucks and excavators...

3.  If I was worried about losing the rest of the baby weight since the weight loss slowed down after 2 weeks post partum, I'm not worried any longer.  If there's time for me to eat on a day that I'm home with both of them, it will be a miracle.  And there's certainly not time for snacking.

4.  I have to learn to let go of the house being perfectly in order, an amazing dinner on the table, the floors being clean, or even that I'm wearing clean clothes.  For my own sanity, it's okay to have books all over the floor of Sean's room until today when he's at school and I can pick up the mess from yesterday.  Everything will get done...just not on my usual time table.

5.  I'm so glad that Evan was born in the fall.  It's not blazingly hot in our house or outside, there's plenty of things to do outside with Sean and Evan without it being freezing cold, and, let's be honest, I absolutely love everything about fall.  The cool breeze, the cinnamon pinecones on our mantle, apple cider, and even football.  It's a great season to have a baby....or two since both my little ones are fall babies!

Sean is at school today so I'm grateful for a break of only having Evan.  Today will be my day to pick up the house a bit and maybe even run to Target.  Or, I may just watch Glee and take a nap and not feel guilty about it.  Whatever it takes to feel refreshed for day two of being home with the two of them tomorrow...I will survive!  I mean, I get to bail out of work and stay at home with these two love bugs!! 

Reality Check

In 10 days my baby will be 2!

Despite the stigma of this age, I'm really excited for him to be 2.  In the past month, he has just exploded with talking!  He's literally a sponge.  I say a phrase once, not even realizing he's listening, and the next day he's walking around saying it.  Like, "Zip it!" or "Oh my goodness!".  It's so stinking cute.

His birthday is on a Monday this year, thanks to Leap Year.  I've asked my mom to use one of her vacation days to come over so I have an extra set of hands in the hopes that we can venture out somewhere with both kids.  I'm thinking the zoo, Plymouth Orchards, or the Ann Arbor Hands on Museum depending on the weather.  I just want to do something fun!  I figure we'll come back home and have a nice dinner and some cupcakes or ice cream cake and let him open the gifts that we got for him.

His birthday party isn't until October 14th (in the hopes it would buy me more time with the new baby before hosting 30+ people at our house).  And I think I have everything ready for the most part.

Assuming the weather will hold out, we'll have the following:

• Bounce house - CHECK!  
• Playstructure - CHECK!
• Arts and crafts table with stickers, construction paper, crayons, and coloring pages all in the theme of transportation - CHECK!
• Box cars and a school bus - CHECK!  (We took moving boxes and a refrigerator box, painted them, put black plates on for wheels, and the kids can play in them)
• An assortment of Sean's cars, trucks, trains, airplanes, and any other thing that goes for the kids to play with - CHECK!

I made Sean's 2 year slideshow with just about a half hour worth of pictures cued up to music that's sure to bring out a few tears.  I figured I can play that while Sean opens his gifts.

I planned out the meal:

• Jimmy John's Party tray of subs
• Pasta salad
• Mixed greens salad with a variety of dressings
• Macaroni salad
• Roll-up sandwiches or crescent rolls stuffed with chicken and broccoli for the kids
• Chips and pretzels
• Fruit ka-bobs with dip
• Veggie tray with dip
• Pickles

We'll get a cake from Menino's Bakery like last year.  With a number two and some transportation details on it of course!

Once I have the set number of kids attending, I'm going to order some train whistles like these as favors for the kids.

And with that, I think we're set.  I just can't believe it's right around the corner!  I'm so excited for Sean and his big day and big party!  He's growing up too fast....

Oh, he looks just like...

             Sean Madden                                      Evan Jameson

                10-1-10                                                  9-2-12

               6 lbs. 7 oz.                                               7 lbs.

                20 inches                                            20.5 inches

I love hearing all the comments about who they think the boys look like.  And even the comments that Evan looks so much like Sean.  I thought it would be neat to put them side by side to see if it makes these observations any easier.  So, similarities?  Differences between the two?  Do they look like me?  Scott?  Both of us?

2 Weeks and Going Strong!

Well, another week bites the dust and thanks to my Dad's help all last week and my parent's hospitality over the weekend, we survived.

I think it's safe to say that I may have stuck my foot in my mouth with my last post that said this was all a breeze so far and easier than last time.  Sure, the baby part is easier because I actually know what I'm doing this time, but Sean...whew!  I'm convinced he decided to start the "terrible two's", get over an ear infection/cold, start a new daycare, and begin the teething process for his two-year molars all at once.  And it's wearing me out.

What happened to my happy-go-lucky boy?  He used to just go with the flow and now it's like pulling teeth out to get him to do anything.  He has selective hearing, he refuses to hold my hand in public places when it's vital that he does, he throws tantrums (which includes him throwing himself on the floor), he screams and whines like it's his job, and he even has a bit of an attitude that would include phrases like, "Go away" and "Zip it".  Seriously.

Take today for example.  My mom was here to help me so we decided to head to the library for Sean's last "story time" (it's only for 6-24 month olds and my baby will be 2 in 2 weeks).  We figured with two adults this would be easily manageable.  I guess we didn't take into account that Sean would want both of us in story time just when Evan decided it was time to fuss for nursing as it started.  So, we stayed for two nursery rhymes and then bowed out.  I nursed Evan in the rocking chair while my mom played with Sean on the computer playing Thomas the Train.  I thought we were in the clear at that point.  So, we ventured back upstairs to the adult section so I could get a book for both Scott and I.  My mom held Evan since he was trying to be burped and I pushed the stroller, carried the bag with library books, and tried to hold Sean's hand.  It's like he knows that being upstairs means you have to be quiet, so naturally, he does the opposite.  He breaks away from my hold, runs towards a glass shelf with magnifying glasses in it (don't ask), decides to bang on it as loud as he can, then runs away from me as I try to stop him, all the while screaming at the top of his lungs and laughing because he thinks this is a game.  Well, if so, I quit.

I have to say, I'm scared to death of Monday and Wednesday next week when I'm officially on my own with both kids.  All I have to say is Lord help me.  How can this little boy stress me out so much, but bring me so much joy?

While I'm not sure that Sean's behavior is directly related to Evan's arrival, there have been some comical moments with Sean.  Like when he saw me pumping at the kitchen table for the first time and was standing so close to me and staring a hole through me I could feel his breath on my arm.  He was so confused, yet so intrigued.  Scott thought this would be perfect timing to teach him the word nipple.  So, now I have a two year old who walks around randomly rambling about nipples.  

Evan, on the other hand, continues to be cool, calm, and collected.  His only complaints are diaper changes, baths, and when he needs to be burped.  Although, over the past three days he's decided to stop nursing on both sides during a feeding and will only take one side.  That results in him needing to nurse every 1.5-2 hours instead of 2-3.  Two week growth spurt?  Let's hope so.  He surprised us all today during tummy time on the floor when he decided to roll over from tummy to back.  Three times in a row!!!  This just blows my mind.  And, no, I was not positioning his arms to where it was easy for him to roll over.  He's two weeks old and he can roll over!  I'm speechless.

Well, tomorrow Sean goes to school, Evan has his two-week well visit, and I'm looking forward to the first day alone in the house to sleep, watch trashy TV, or find the motivation to get some projects/cleaning/laundry done around the house.  We'll see what I'm feeling up to...

Wordless Wednesday

My sweet baby Evan...

Life as a family of four...

One week in and I can officially say that I think the transition from having no children to one is far more difficult than going from one child to two.  Granted I haven't had a day at home with my two boys by myself, so I might be singing a different tune in two weeks.  But, for now, I have to say that, aside from the exhaustion, I'm loving every minute of being a mom of two.  I was in a far different emotional state of mind a week after Sean was born. 

Sean seems back to his normal self again after a month and a half of not going to bed well, a week of having a cold and an ear infection from starting at a new daycare, and he even seems to like having baby Evan at home.  No jealousy issues yet...I probably just jinxed myself.  He shares his cars and blankey with Evan, he rocks him in the swing, he wants to pick him up (but we won't let him yet), and he even liked riding next to him in the new double stroller.  As long as there's enough hugs and kisses from mama, he doesn't mind that 75% of my time I have Evan in my arms.

Scott is returning to work tomorrow.  When this day arrived last time around, I was a mess every day leading up to it.  Crying about him leaving me at home, not wanting to be without him.  This time I feel more confident that I can do this and more understanding that him having to go back is reality.  He's been "AWESOME", as Sean would say, helping out with Sean, putting him to bed for every nap and bedtime, making me breakfast, filling my cup up with water, getting me chapstick, doing laundry, and the dishes.  He never ceases to amaze me as he continues to fill his role of husband and father.

Baby Evan is such a little nugget.  He's a great eater, pretty good sleeper, and an all-around pretty chill baby (so far...knocks on wood).  I remember how much I love when you take a newborn out of a car seat they won't let their legs go straight, how they look for your face when they hear your voice, how they smell (ahhh I love that baby smell), how soft their skin in.  He is just perfect and we are so blessed.

As for myself, after my incision check this week and getting steri-strips put on, my incision feels much better.  I've weaned myself off the pain medications they sent me home with as of today.  I'm tired, but managing and I shock myself at how I have the energy to read a book to Sean while nursing Evan after cleaning the bathroom and putting away laundry.  You just keep moving and keep going even though your body is telling you otherwise.  And each day I'm feeling better and more energetic.

This week my Dad will be out here each day to help out with Sean and any errands that need running since I still have a week left on my driving restriction.  We have Evan's newborn pictures being done on Wednesday.  We have the Plymouth Newcomer's Group dropping off a meal this week, two next week, and two the following week.  And Sean will start going to daycare two days a week.  Here we go...

Evan Jameson's Birth Story

Labor day weekend ended up being full of labor (pun intended).  Just like I called it, baby Evan was ready to make his big debut on a weekend where 90% of our immediate family was out of town for work or traveling.  Why would he come when it's convenient?  My mom was the only one still around and she had decided to come out to our house on Friday night for dinner and to spend the night so she could spend all day Saturday with us too.  Saturday morning started just like any other day.  We woke up.  We had breakfast.  We went to the farmer's market.  We went to the library.  We came home.  Then things got interesting.  We were starting to put a homemade pizza together for lunch when I noticed I was having what I thought were timeable contractions.  They were about 10 minutes apart.  They weren't super painful though.  I didn't think too much of it until I went to the bathroom and noticed I was spotting.  I decided I should probably call the after hours answering service for my OB practice to see what they thought of the spotting.  Sure enough, Dr. Salem was concerned and told us to head to labor and delivery.

We ate lunch quickly, grabbed all our bags, and thanked our lucky stars my mom was already here at our house to watch Sean.  Upon arriving, they hooked me up to a few monitors and the long wait started to see what this would be.  After monitoring me for two hours, doing a speculum exam (ouch!), and an internal exam (double ouch!), they thought it was more "irritability" than contractions and decided I was passing a brown blood clot and had nothing to worry about.  I was "closed and high" so I wasn't even making any so called progress from my "irritability".  So, they sent me home.

Later that evening starting around 6pm, I started having more intense contractions and by 10:30pm I was in so much pain every 5 minutes that I was clenching my fists and in tears each time.  I tried a hot shower, I tried to watch Breaking Dawn to get things off my mind, and by 10:30pm I reached my pain threshold and called the on-call doctor who advised me to go back to labor and delivery.  Considering my mom had gone home after dinner, we had to wait for my mom to drive out to our house again to watch Sean overnight.  Waiting the long hour for her to get out was torture.  I was in so much pain and was just trying to breathe through each contraction, bounce on our exercise ball, and try not to freak out. We were in the driveway waiting for her and we made the 30 minute trip to the hospital with my contractions every 3 minutes apart and me passing some serious blood, bright red.

In triage, they found I was 2cm dilated, contracting every 3 minutes, and was indeed passing more blood than I should have been for just a clot.  So, after monitoring me, an internal exam again (ouch!), and a speculum exam (double ouch!) they admitted me and by 1am we were in our labor and delivery room.  For two hours, I rocked on the birthing ball and tried to breathe through each contraction while I waited for them to come back and check me.  When they came back in I wasn't dilated any more than I was 2 hours before in triage.  I was devastated.  They decided to give me some morphine in the IV to help me sleep for a few hours and would decide what to do when they checked back later.  I was either going to be sent home or could stay if I made progress.  I was so upset thinking the worst as usual, but was grateful for a break from the pain and some rest.  Thankfully, after sleeping a while, I woke up to find that I was 4cm and my OB decided to break my water right there.

From there, things just got worse.  I was dilating consistently each hour, but when I asked for the epidural around 6cm, it didn't work.  They had to place it lower because of the position of my prior back surgery and they weren't sure where the medicine would travel to.  I was in excruciating back pain and had no relief from anything.  All the while I was still losing blood.  They tried to give me other pain meds through the IV to help manage the pain, but nothing took the pain away and instead made me very loopy.  By now my mom had arrived and I had a nice team of Scott, my mom, and my awesome labor and delivery nurse, Kris by my side helping me through each contraction.  I know hours had passed, but it just felt like I was living through one giant contraction that never went away.  No position made me comfortable and the only relief I had was by crying out random things (luckily, they weren't obscenities).  By, noon, I was 9.5cm and my OB said I could try to push.  I felt so out of it and could barely grab my thighs up high enough to push.  I tried to push for 15 minutes and the OB and nurses were concerned that Evan's heart rate dropped to 80bpm and wasn't going back up.  I was still losing a lot of blood.  So, my OB made the decision to take me in for a c-section.

At that point, I just wanted pain relief and I wanted him out so I wasn't too upset about having the c-section.  His health and safety were the my only priorities and if this is what they needed to do, then I would be supportive despite how badly I wanted a successful VBAC and despite how close I was to having that.  They had enough time to try to get a spinal in, but shocking, it didn't work either.  So, they quickly decided to put me to sleep for it.  Poor Scott was in the hall in his scrubs waiting to come in to the OR and found out his son was born when a nurse came out to tell him.  He had no idea they even started the surgery.  The baby was rushed to NICU since his heart rate was so low and we found out that my placenta had abrupted, which caused all the blood loss, the drop in the heart rate, and my intense back pain.  My OB told my mom and Scott while I was in recovery that it was a good thing she decided to do the section when she did because the baby had started to ingest the fluids from the placenta and it could have led to more serious consequences had we not reacted so quickly.

When I woke up from recovery, the first thing I did was sob.  I sobbed for not getting my VBAC, for how much pain it was for me to go through that, that I hadn't seen Evan yet, and that I missed getting to see Scott's face when he saw Evan for the first time.  It was such a release to just cry and let it out. They were able to take me to the NICU to see Evan and I was able to nurse him immediately.  It was such a beautiful moment and a relief since he nurses so well.  He latched on right away, unlike Sean who needed help with his latch for the first few weeks.  He was ready and waiting for me and it was like him and I had been doing this for months.  He was released from the NICU an hour later and was with us for the rest of the time at the hospital.  All of his vitals and stats were great the entire time we were there.  The last day his biliruben level was a little high so they sent us home with a bili blanket for him to use over the next 24 hour period.  Also, when they removed my staples from the incision, the outer layer of skin separated so I have some additional pain while I wait for the skin to re-attach on it's own.

While it wasn't the birth I anticipated, I realized that I'm lucky to have a happy and healthy little guy and that end result is far more important than how he got here.  He was born at 1:17pm on Sunday, the 2nd at 7 lbs. exactly and 20.5 inches long.  Big brother Sean got to meet him on Monday at the hospital and it's been so fun watching him fill in the role of big brother. We were released on Wednesday afternoon and have spent the last few days taking each moment as it comes, trying to take deep breaths and remember that this will all go by so fast.  While it's been intense adjusting to being a family of four, I wouldn't change it for anything.  Our family is complete and I feel so different as a mother this time around.  More relaxed, more at peace, and more natural.

And now...a few pictures:

And the journey just begins....

Happy 23 Months, Sean!

Well, it's hard to believe that next month we'll be celebrating Sean's second birthday on October 1st and with a party on October 14th!  While it seems strange to fathom having a two year old, there's been so many things that he's been doing and saying that makes me look at him and realize that he's really a little boy now.

This past month has been busy getting things ready for Sean to be a big brother, transitioning to a new daycare since the school year is off to a start, and trying to spend the last few weeks as a family of three on our summer vacation.

Favorite Toys/Activities:

• Things related to Disney's "Cars" movie.  Despite him never having seen it, he loves Tow Mater and is starting to get into some of the other characters too.  I see the movie as a birthday gift in the future...
• The alphabet!  Or "A, B, C's" as Sean calls them.  While he can't sing the song by himself, you can ask him what a certain letter is and he's pretty good at naming most of them.
• Numbers!  Thanks to watching The Number Train video on Youtube.com, Sean is really good at counting to 10.  He certainly gets a few of the mixed up at times, but it's so cute to listen to him count.
• Making siren sounds!  He runs around the house imitating a fire truck or ambulance and plays with his cars and trucks making those sounds.  
• Firetrucks!  Thank God the fire station and police station is right next to the library.  We can go to story time or pick out books, visit the police cars and firetrucks, and pick up a video like Elmo's Fire Truck on DVD all in one trip.  And he's in heaven the rest of the day...
• Nana's "horse".  She has one of those old-fashioned pretend horse that Sean can sit on and ride.  He used to be so afraid of it every time he'd go over there, but now he's gotten the courage to ride it and will even scream, "Wheeee"...reminds me of that Geiko commercial with the pig.
• Somersaults!  He is such a daredevil it's crazy.  Somehow we started the habit of him going in our bed in the morning and he'll lean against the headboard and do somersaults on our bed.  He goes so fast and can do them so well!  Maybe we'll sign him up for a tumbling class this winter...

Favorite Foods:

• Grapes.  
• Chicken and noodles.
• Mac and cheese.
• Strawberries.
• Cinnamon toast.
• Waffles.
• Bacon.

On other notes, Sean is really getting better with putting his words together in long phrases and has even said his first sentence this month, "I want more."  We're really pushing him using the word "I" since he started going down the path of referring to himself as "Sean".  We didn't want him talking like Elmo!  He continues to amaze me more and more each day with how much he's picking up from people just saying something once and him using it in the right context.  Just the other day he told me to, "Go away".  While it hurt my feelings, it surprised me that he picked that up from us telling him to say that to the dog if she bothered him while he ate.
He goes potty on the potty chair all the time, but only when we ask him to.  He doesn't tell us when he needs to go and doesn't tell us if he has gone in his diaper, but at least he enjoys going on his potty when we ask him to.  I figure it's going to baby steps to get him ready for the full transition.  And I figure there's no immediate rush with baby Evan's arrival and all the changes that will come with that.

He survived his first week at the new daycare last week while Scott and I attended our mandatory PD for the school year.  His new school is great!  They serve organic milk and meals for him all day, email me everything they did in his room each day including names of books and songs they read or sang that day so that we can sing them with him, and even gave me a courtesy call one day last week to let me know he was having a great day.  It was really nice to receive a positive phone call instead of the usual negative ones.  While he doesn't love going there quite yet, we're hoping that as he gets more comfortable with his surroundings and friends that he'll start to enjoy "school".   

On a more exciting note, Sean is now facing forward in his car seat and I'm honestly proud of us for making it 23 months before changing him around.  I have to say...it is so much fun having him face forward.  He can see me in the rear view mirror and we make faces at one another, we have conversations about what he sees out the window while we drive, and I can easily help him with something that he needs or just look to see if he's fallen asleep.  It's been exciting!  He loves to point out all the "big crucks" he sees on the roads and we're working on the colors of them.

He's getting so big and now that Evan is here, it's going to be a very exciting and I'm sure challenging next month to see how he does as the role of a big brother.  But, I'm glad that his birthday is next month too so that he can have a day that's all about him!